first off i'd like to give a massive hello to one of my blog readers, sarah lee! your big brother joel is a really great guy (which i bet you already know by now :D) and talks about you and sandra like crazy ;D i don't think i could have survived these past months away from home without him. he misses you guys loads and i apologise in advance if anything i say or HAVE said publicises his weirdness for all to see... ;p

also a shout out goes to ANOTHER sarah... my 16-year-old cousin-a.k.a-other part of my brain has come down with chicken pox! so if you've managed to prop yourself up to your laptop to read this... just know that i REALLY REALLY hope you get well soon! i'm praying for you! and rest please! hug hug :D

okay so... been a little while since i last wrote up. not that i haven't had much to say... trust me... i have LOTS to write about. but with trinity winding down, time hasn't exactly been kind to us all. never thought i would say it... but i'm going to miss it . the teachers. the classes. the hours. everything :( but to quote one tree hill, "every great song has an ending... but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the music" ;p so i'm taking everyone's advise and just going with it. enjoying every second i have left before the real world beckons.

mom and hafiz, along with uncle mel, auntie peng, sarah and sophie came done to melbourne 2 weeks ago and spent raya with me and ridwan. it was nice NOT to have to spend my first raya away from home alone. i moved to toorak for the week so i could stay with mom and fiz... at the consequence of being no earlier that 30 mins late for class everyday (stupid toorak road traffic!). mom cooked up a storm and we had a open house on tuesday. though i miss kl-raya like crazy, it was great to not miss out. jacq, joel, kevin, mark, eugene and allynna came by and had mom's sprawling menu of roti jala, rendang, brownies, etc. lesley allen (the lady who recruited me to trinity ;D) came too! so yeah people... i raya-ed! ;D sadly, my family had to leave on friday (on mom's birthday no less!)... but they're coming back for my graduation, so all's good :D

let's see... prom is on friday! after months of worrying about it and getting all excited, it's finally here! my dress is hanging in my cupboard. the makeup has been all picked out. and i've finally figured out what 'trimmings' to get kevin ;p but all the hype aside, i know prom is our final celebration. for after the glamour, dancing and laughing, the evil face of finals shines above us. truly the deciding moment of our futures. either we make it. or we don't. and for the life of me, i DO NOT want to be in the second category! so after prom and our make-shift after party (on my rooftop with ice cream and hot chocolate watching the sunrise in our suits and dresses ;p) and joel's birthday the next day, books will once more be my best friends... and scruffy too :D!

since loosing my necklace, my focus has been all over the place. my mind's been playing all kinds of tricks on me! weird stuff pop into my head at awkward moments... things i don't want to think about the MOST become the things that occupy the MOST headspace... argh! i don't have ALOT of headroom to begin with... so girly-unimportant-ridiculous-random thoughts vacate for chemisty, psychology and maths 1 please! QUICKLY!

spring is here... and in typical melbourne fashion, it's freezing outside! though i would be more than happy to walk around in my hoodies and jeans, there will be a photo-op for the graduating february class on thursday. looks like i gotta dig out all the girly tops now :( how annoying is it that it's already 8pm and the sun is still out! someone shoot the people who condone DST!

so yeah, everything's okay. just tired and lethargic as usual. hmmm... tummy hungry but massive pile of dishes sitting in sink... decisions decisions :D

so my final eap oral exam was this afternoon. and contrary to popular belief, being the first one up isn't something to be proud of. they say 'rip the bandage off'... i say 'leave it be!'. don't get me wrong... i LOVE talking. heck, i've been talking since i was a fetus... but when i am required to talk for my grades... and in academic fashion... lets just say my heart landed in my stomach and my stomach was in my throat the entire time! but hey, it's all over and now that it's done with, don't think it was THAT bad. mark, kevin and joel were the first to protest when i relayed my worries regarding the length and formality of my speech. jacq jacq had a few things to say too... but for some reason, when i KNOW she'll do expertly regardless, believing her in such matters doesn't come naturally ;D

without puasa the day passed rather quickly (yes yes! i've taken SOOO many days off! i'm starting again tomorrow!). between my lit and chem tutorials, eap and chem lecture, the notion of climbing into bed in my relatively-newly-changed sheets was a thought i looked forward to all day (eap kept me up last night ;( yes children... last minute work is no good!). but by late morning, michael reminded me that i had to be in the audience at tonight's 'spring music fesitval' to watch him perform. and since joel was drumming too... figured i'd succumb to obligation and mope later ;p

by the time we got there at quarter to 6, the theater was packed... thankfully down in the fourth row, joel had laid his crutches across a row of seats for us (those things are really useful ;D). his band was going on 12th, so we had plenty of time to breathe before being required to cheer our lungs out. michael played the guitar in the first performance with nick on vocals (perfectly i might add!)... but the best part was... when nick left the stage... mike played the acoustic AND sang all by himself for the second performance. and he was good! singing songs by jason mraz and john mayer, i'd never heard little mikey sing before. and just like an immensely proud big sister i clapped and cheered and yelled all the way through. mikey, you rock!

but something hinky was going on between kevin and joel, who were seated next to each other (dodgy i know... but bear with me ;p). whenever i looked over, joel gave me that signature 'budak nakal' smile he plasters on whenever he has a wicked idea. within minutes he got up off his seat and disappeared out the theater doors. after joel left, kevin grabbed my handphone and typed out a message for me:

joel's gonna do something really wild that's gonna let the whole trinity know about him and jacq.

imagine all the thoughts flying in and out of my head at that time. apparently this declaration was to be done in the midst of his drumming to jet's 'are you gonna be my girl' (ironic huh?). with me, kevin and ai-lynn in on it, our job was to ensure that jacq jacq kept her eyes on joel while he played. but in typical jacq jacq fashion, she stared at everything BUT joel! if anyone so much as stood up or even flinched, jacq's eyes were cast in their direction. so to keep her focused (and to calm her suspicions about why all the malaysian kids were speaking malay around her) i told her that joel had been working really hard on the piece and that if he messed it up, being a song that focuses much on drum beats, the whole song would go to hell (thank god jacq doesn't listen to jet ;p) seconds before the ending verse, joel looked up from the drums and smiled the 'budak nakal' smile at me again. and then it happened...

as the band sang the concluding line..."say are you gonna be my girl?"...
joel stood up and pointed right at jacq jacq from behind the drum kit.

it was too late to take it back. anyone who noticed now knew. and jacq jacq had the biggest smile on her face! she didn't see it coming, but no matter how much she denies it... made her feel like the most important person in the world for a few seconds :D i know this... cause i was right next to her laughing my ass off!

me, kevin, joel and jacq jacq bolted immediately after he got off stage. adrenalin having settled down, i was starving. so the four of us went for an italian dinner at lygon street. since it's usually just me with jacq and joel on our dinners, it felt weird having kevin around to back me up whenever a teasing spree started between them. though we kinda feel immune, since no matter what those two say about us, me and kevin just make it worse ;p walking home the wind was freezing, and since kevin was wearing a thick jumper, i told him NOT to take it the wrong way and hugged his arm all the way home. and before you think the yana you know has gone all soft and girly, know that it didn't come without a hidden agenda. we got to see jacq and joel squirm ;D yes... i'm still sadistic... i just got company now ;D

so all in all, today was good. glad that i can finally take a break now...

and get ready for mommy and hafiz! yay!

so yeah... i've been yapping on about it for a while now... but graduation IS around the corner. to be precise... as of this instant, at 2.18pm on october 15th 2006, my time at trinity will end in exactly:

1 month, 2 weeks, 6 days, 1 hour and 12 minutes ;p (yes... i have nothing better to do ;D).

but instead of mourning the end and dreading the beginning, i've decided to take a different approach. don't get me wrong... i've had my fair share of mopping these past few weeks. trying hard to ignore the fact that VERY soon, i'll have leave the city i've partially called home with a sense of uncertainty as to whether i'll return. pushing the thought under the cupboard of being separated from the friends i've become attached to. and forgetting the need to say goodbye to the teachers here who have challenged fate to help me get to where i want to go. but YEAH... i'm looking at things from a different angle ;p

someone a little older than me, told me the other day, that no matter how painful... or how much i dread the coming weeks, i can't stop the inevitable. when we left our homes for melbourne at the beginning of the year, this was what we wanted. this was what we hoped for. 10 months of roughing it out... for a chance to live our dreams. so no matter how much the thought hung over my head, the fear will never go away. instead all i can hope for... all anyone can hope for... is the chance to enjoy all the time we have left ;D

... before the stress gets to us and we REALLY fulfill the 4-step purification plan (trust me people... you don't want to know what that is ;D though i can just see mark smiling now.)

so depressive notions aside, everything's great. melbourne's full into spring... which means MORE erratic weather and unpredictable temperatures, but the sun is out! and after a long winter... i'll take sunlight any day ;D classes have become slightly more relaxed... it seems that trinity is easing the tension before they cut us loose ;p

Intinerary for the final term and the months after:
1. tomorrow i will the first person in eap 3v to conduct my final oral presentation: on 'the effects of the film industry on society'
2. mommy and hafiz, along with uncle mel, auntie peng, sarah and sophie will arrive in melbourne on thursday night to spend raya here with me and ridwan.
3. on november 3rd, me and my 5 closest friends will attempt to stop 24 hours as we hit melbourne's grand hyatt hotel on collins street for the trinity annual ball.
4. less than 24 hours after the prom... me, ai-lynn, jacq jacq, mark and kevin get to watch as joel lee dreads his 18th birthday (scared yet joe? ;p).
5. much time and practise to be diverted to my 'bipolar' act for the final drama exam.
6. time off to study...
7. FINALS!
8. RESULTS!
9. trinity college's february main intake 2006 valedictory ceremony on december 5th 2006 at 3.30pm.
10. family trip to christchurch, new zealand on december 10th.
11. back home in kl from december 15th.
12. kevin (and maybe even jacq jacq) to spend a few days in kl with us on the second week of january.
13. university offer letters come out.
14. time starts again...

so now, ladies and gentlemen, i plan on acting on my latest resolution: getting into melbourne university and enjoying the time i have left in trinity and with my friends.

... unfortunately that begins with me finishing up my eap presentation...

so it's sunday. which means that tomorrow is monday. which means that i have to go to school tomorrow. (way to go at stating the obvious huh)... but that also means i just came out of a weekend... a much needed one.

after collecting results this past week, i think everyone was just looking forward to the weekend as a reason to breathe. 48 hours that belonged entirely to us. no shadows of the past term hovering over us. no tell-tale reminders of the upcoming finals frightening us (though it should ;D). just 2 days to shake off the mild-hearattacks endured and brace ourselves for what the final 2 months had in store. some go clubbing to meet their colourful alcohol-based friends. others bury their heads in past lectures to numb out the pain. i on the other hand... made it MY weekend ;p

just like every saturday, jacq-jacq was at my door by 12pm to drag me for chemistry support lectures at swanston street. eventhough i detest the need to NOT sleep in on a saturday, i owe that little girl for getting me out of bed and placing my chemistry grades at a salvageable level. by 1.30, we had convinced mark to go with us on our fortnightly ritual of buying groceries from vic market. honestly, we just wanted to interrogate him on the interview he had with adelaide university the day before ;p but as expected... mark's response was "it was fine!". though we know he did superbly and he's just blind to his brilliance... so no mark... we don't believe you ;D. joel called not long after, saying that he was headed to nelson to get some work done. by 4, we came home with 2 pizzas from dominos (no... haven't been fasting ;p) and settled in to my apartment to watch 'take the lead'. about 15 minutes later, kevin called and figured out that he was being excluded... and came too. so by the end of the movie... i had all of my closest friends (minus ai-lynn :( ), crammed in my studio apartment, hanging out till the sun went down.

today was no different. after spending the early afternoon searching the libraries for eap resources, me and jacq came home to get a head start on reading (though i felt my brain turn to mush after every sentence!). at 4pm, kevin was ringing my doorbell... and half an hour later... joel was ringing jacq's doorbell (i acknowledge the pattern... and smite whoever does too! ;p). as the 'big brother', kevin cooked us dinner while joel downloaded more episodes of house md on my comp and jacq went through the books she got. cool piece of information i got today: joel knows ALOT of people from sri aman! apparently the boy went to sri petaling... so for all you people reading this and going... hey! i know a joel from sri petaling... yup... same guy ;D the world just keeps getting smaller. so it was rather interesting when we called up rai, and they got to talking. the world i came from... met the world i'm in... long before i did!

so yeah... today was good. we took lots of random pictures... and usually i would stay out of it... but you know what... we graduate in less than two months. after that, we'll all be thrown to different places and when uni begins, to different faculties. if this is all the time we've got left LIKE THIS... then i plan to hang on to every second of it ;D

emo-ness aside... i can't help but jump in anticipation over mom and fiz coming over on the 19th. sarah's coming too, which is awesome cause i miss our sundays! so for the first time all term... I WANT TIME TO MOVE FASTER! my family's coming to melbourne! woohooo!

... on second thought... come to think of it... my family in melbourne... all at the same time...

... who can we see about re-naming the city?

to counteract the previously disturbing and cheesy posts i've added up lately, i've decided to change things up a little (there's only so much pathetic ramblings one person can hear at one time right? ;p). the title pretty much says it all... been feeling massively lethargic and fatigue-d today. and i blame puasa! hehehehe...

in all honesty, puasa is getting REALLY hard to do. getting up in the middle of the night for sahur is disrupting my sleep pattern, which in turn is making it ridiculously hard to get up in the morning. by lunchtime, when my tummy really starts going insane, campus no longer becomes a nice place to be... between the bubble teas, ice-creams and sushi rolls 'walking around', all i want to do is dig a hole and die in it. uncharacteristically, it was really hot outside today. which is making puasa that much harder to do without water!

that aside, i got my drama results back today. i did okay (though i can just here mark, joel and kevin screaming in protest)... but the worst part was choosing my new team members. as flattered (and shocked!) as i was to know that 3 people wanted me on their teams, i couldn't help but feel inclined to work with the people i previously acted with. so choosing was tough... and in the end only one of those 3 got their wish. lets just hope i don't disappoint her then ;p

by eap, i was on the verge of passing out. for some reason, fasting today was extremely hard. i've been fasting since i was 11 (very late... i know), and today was probably the first time that i felt almost annoyed that i couldn't eat! and before you guys start making noise, no... i don't hold mark, joel OR kevin responsible (though there WAS that fleeting moment when i wanted to kick kevin while he was eating his ice cream...) for making today difficult. i took something this morning... i guess fasting and medication don't go well huh?
so yeah... apart from that... melbourne is still melbourne. got our prom tickets today. the dress-code 'semi-formal' was printed on the front... damn... looks like i'm gonna be hiding in the bathroom again ;D and YEAH... is it so wrong that i want two dates?! (i can just hear the girls go "you selfish b***h!"... hehehe) i'm happy with the one i've got... but BOTH of us don't want to leave the other one behind! so come on!

so i made it back to melbourne in one piece... though i don't think i remained that way for the rest of the day. after landing at melbourne international at 7:15am, we took a car back to the city and worked REALLY hard to convince ourselves NOT to sleep in and ditch the rest of the day. with only half an hour until my first class began, i made the executive decision not to show up on my first day of term 4 looking like the drowned rat that i was currently resembling. so after a much-appreciated shower, i walked the 15 minute path along grattan street to trinity's fsc building for my 9am literature tutorial (granted it was more 9:45am when i actually got there ;D).

so yeah... school is officially in session once more and i've adapted myself back to my usual routines. despite puasa (which is proving much harder than i thought over here!), everything feels pretty much the same. getting my results still gives me knots in my tummy. the air is still cold when i walk past alleys or trees but turns warmer when i hit a patch of sun. i still have my monday morning walks from fsc to the grattan street classroom with robin and michael, talking about things that aren't appropriate enough to be re-mentioned ;p i still have my lunches with joel, mark, kevin and jacq at melbourne uni's union house (eventhough i spent today watching and not participating ;p). and my room is STILL messy everytime i get back. everything's exactly the same... almost anyway ;D

this time i returned to an environment not as relaxed as it had been these past 8 months. everyone's hyped about the impending graduation on december 5th, the exams that come the weeks before it... and of course... the annual ball on november 3rd. with my dress still attempting perfection in ss14 back in kl, all i can do is wait till mom brings it over on the 19th to pacify my anticipation. but our table of 10 still needed to be filled. with only 6 people making up my circle of friends, others had to be invited to make the numbers. until finally... only 2 seats remained vacant. as usual... i decided to poke fun at mark and kevin yesterday night during dinner, which we had in the park at the public library (for those of you back home... yeah... unorthodox and REALLY weird practises have become habits over here ;p). telling them that they had to find dates instead. and this is where the story begins :D

i'd been planning my perfect prom since the day i got here. i put the plan into motion when i made the friends i could depend on. and then i decided on it a few months ago, when kevin imagined it with me... jacq and joel off with their dates (though at the time we didn't know that it would be each other!), ai-lynn dancing away with wai yen and li ern... and me, kevin and mark having the time of our lives in a corner somewhere. it was perfect! and all i needed was the killer dress. i didn't even count on a date... if it happened, it happened... but i was not going to repeat the mistake of going to look for one. but as expected, plans changed. and last night... it took a really unexpected turn ;p

for the first time in my life, someone i really care about asked me to go to prom. it wasn't orchestrated. he wasn't conned into it. and for the first time, i was given the choice to accept ;D eventhough it under no circumstances changed the group arrangement that we previously had, i couldn't help but be hyper all day on the fact that i was even asked! that for the first time... someone even SAW me... and didn't keep on walking ;p but with all great things, obstacles perceeded it. from worrying about everyone else's response, to an international consultation/intervention, within 12 hours it seemed that, as expected, this plan wasn't going to happen. so... i challenged it ;p

it's slightly past 11pm now... and food has left me groggy and in dire need of sleep. i still have a date for prom, but things have changed a little. and this is probably the thai food talking... but i'm giving it time to surprise me. who knows? it might actually work out better than i thought ;D

got all emo-ed up to go back to melbourne this morning... tears, goodbyes and all. spent the whole of last night packing... met eugene lee at the airport by quarter to 9... THEN... the beloved MAS casted its magic... THEY KICKED US OFF THE FLIGHT!

yes people... make this the public announcement... that me and lee... as well as 38 other people on the 9am kuala lumpur-melbourne flight will be either arriving 12 hours later than expected... or bunked off to a connecting flight from kl-perth-melbourne. let me give you a few seconds to digest that.... all done? AAAAAARGGGHHH!

amidst me and lee's outraged ramblings and our parents' constant protests... MAS could only admit that it was now their policy to overbook to make up for the POSSIBLITY that people didn't show up. so let me get this straight... 38 already CONFIRMED tickets were doubled and sold to people on a POSSIBILITY??!!

*yana calming down* sigh.... so yeah... was looking forward to dinner with jacq and joel tonight (and i found out a few minutes ago that mark and kevin decided to come too... damn!) after i arrived... but hey... what are you going to do right? the only downside to this magnificent plan is that i have to make it from the airport to home to class in 2 hours... god willing there isn't a delay in the flight or at melbourne airport. decided that i'll risk being late for class to take a shower first... no way in hell am i gonna show up to class after 2 weeks of seeing everyone looking like a drowned rat off the plane ;p hehehe.

the great thing is i get another 10 hours with my family and my cats (didn't get to say bye to sam and angel this morning) and i get to stock up on more food! yay!

see u guys in 12 hours!

katyana azman
1 may 1988

i'm different... and it doesn't bother me one bit...

writing till the hours blur.
REALLY nice cars.
consuming as much dark chocolate as humanly possible.
listening and singing to songs till i know every word by heart.

being with the family and friends that make me happy.

jacqueline sim
joel lee
jacqui kong
camelia soo
samantha sim
syafiq azman

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