.sabotaging fate.

happy new year's!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

so christmas is over and the dawn of a new year beckons. i celebrated my first 'official' family christmas at my new home in damansara heights, and have since rejoined the ranks of my fellow 'sloth-land' inhabitants by sleeping no earlier than 4 am each morning tucked into the great books i've been reading. i'll be uploading the pictures up from christmas pretty soon...

for now i'm sitting in KLIA's 'golden lounge' as i await to board my 3pm flight to bangkok ;)

so have a happy new year everyone and i'll see you guys in 2008!

-katyana-

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He's gonna break hearts one day.
The name says it all ;D

hehe.

By Saf Mohsin, at 4:03 am

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here's to the season of second chances...

Friday, December 07, 2007

it's almost 1am and i'm sitting in the only illuminated room in the house. finally putting a visual to the standing perception that was my new bedroom whilst in melbourne, it's nice being able to sit on my bed and know that i'm finally home. that outside the window no longer lies an erratic excuse for weather, but instead the city that i grew up in. the city that knows of all my flaws and weaknesses... and passes no judgement or the threat of being lost in the chaos. because i think at the end of the day, there remains no feeling more gratifying and more liberating for a student than to finally be able to come home ;) to leave all the pressures and all the fears behind and to relish in the opportunity of 3 untempered months with those who know you best.

so that is precisely what i've been doing ;) i got home to a welcome party of my family and a spread of the food i missed! when i awoke the next day... i found myself suffering through a 'good god where the hell am i?' moment! i sat in bed staring at the ceiling for a good few minutes before i realised that max wasn't going to be running into the room soon or that the knock on the door wasn't rizman asking for breakfast ;p and though i attribute that first-time experience to the fact that it was my first night in my new room, mom and hafiz jumped into bed with me the following morning just to make sure i wasn't plagued with it again ;)

apart from spending as much time as possible with my mom and brother, i also partook in another 'first'. from the 19th till the 31st of november, i was a waitress at delicious cafe in one utama. and trust me, eventhough i literally live in that place... it's an entirely different experience when you're on the other end of the dessert counter ;p it was my first official job and it was one of the best things i've done to date. it taught me so much about people and just how different we all are as individuals. how most times, what we see is never usually what we get. and how at the end of the day... despite our differences... we're all in it for the same thing. to be happy... one way or another ;)

so if it was such a gratifying experience... why only work there 2 weeks, you may ask? well the answer to that - apart from the amount of time i was NOT spending with my family when i should have - i was forced to prematurely resign due to the release of my final semester results. for as i sat on a bench at one utama's mph during my lunch break, hafiz told me over the phone that i had done a lot better than i had hoped. 3 distinctions and 1 high distinction later, i am now in the midst of organising my much-awaited transfer to melbourne university. for the last year, it was all i could think about. the moment of finally being able to receive the notice of welcome to the place i was SUPPOSED to be in. but that notion... still remains no more than a question mark...

because a few days ago... as i excitedly called the international admissions office at melbourne university to inform them of the transcripts coming their way, my dreams were deflated as i was told that a letter of rejection was headed for me. panic and fear... the emotions i had gotten all to familiar with round about the same time last year... came steadily back. all i could think about was how i had to go back there. back to deakin. and how much i would give to not have to. to be able to run to jacq, kevin, mark and everyone else who've been waiting for this decision and tell them to save me a seat at the lunch table. to not feel like screw-up anymore!

but as the panic died down, i was told that the decision was premature. the department had processed my application based on only a semester worth of grades... and so it appeared that i lacked a subject worth of pre-requisites. and that all i have to do now is send the rejection letter back to them, with my newly acquired transcripts and a letter of appeal, and the application should be re-assessed. and eventhough i was told by everyone that i should be rejoicing in this sudden expression of charity and mercy, i can't help but hold my breath till the final letter arrives. a letter - i hope - starts with 'congratulations!'. because i already got two that say 'i'm sorry...' ;p

so that's basically what i've been up to lately ;p this year has been amazing, in both positive and negative regard. i fell to the bottom of the well and crawled my way up again... for the first time. i fell in love with my best friend... and got my heart broken... for the first time. and i also realised that the important things in life, aren't necessarily commercialised and similar for everyone.

because 'tis the season of second chances... and anything can happen ;)

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books i've read