i'm going to try and remain as composed as possible whilst delivering this message...


as of 3.18am tomorrow morning, i will officially leave behind the comforts of my 18th year and cross over into the unknown realm that is being 19-years-old. am i looking forward to adding another candle to my brithday cake (or as some would say, another step towards the grave ;p)? hell no! but am i looking forward to the bundles of presents, fairy dust, trimmings and all things nice that come with being the birthday girl? hell yes! ;)

though the day would be absolutely perfect should mom and hafiz be here with me, it's all good cause they'll be joining me on the 14th for 3 weeks! woohoo! it's been a while since the three of us just hung out and laughed without the worry of work or school bearing upon us. we are in desperate need of this time away and i'm so looking forward to seeing them in a couple of weeks.

that having been said, the absence of my family haven't put a halt in party plans amongst my friends here in melbourne. got my first birthday wish from diana, who was half asleep and cross-wired when she sms-ed me at precisely 12am last night to wish me a happy 19. her intentions were sweet... but i'm beginning to think that too many chemistry worksheets is getting to her ;p i also got my first present from katie today! i was so surprised when she sprung it on me on the way to tutorial this morning. a box of chocolates, bracelets and a cute birthday card ;) see... i LOVE birthdays!! especially mine ;D muahahaha....

but the main cause for excitement undoubtedly happens tomorrow. after a month of silence, jacqueline finally devulged to me yesterday afternoon that plans have been made for me for my birthday tomorrow night. why do i hear the 'psycho' soundtrack playing in the background all of a sudden? ;p i think the most terrifying thing a girl can ever be told the day before her birthday, when asked what the plans are, is 'not to worry. everything's been taken care of.' good God, when i heard jacq mutter those words, i could've sworn i saw a forked tail swing from behind her! because despite my obvious excitement... i am REALLY terrified! ;p there are just way too many variables adding to my birthday. the last 2 birthdays we planned (joel's in november and jacq's in march), included me in the planning and lots of sneaking around. often for weeks before the birthday without the respective age-turner's knowledge. so the fact that i'm being left out of the decision making is making me rather anxious. who knows how long it's been since planning has commenced and what's been concocted from the congregation of some of the smartest minds i know?! throw mark and kevin into the mix and things may even turn violent for me! uh oh...

regardless... let me reiterate this important fact


whatever my friends have planned for me... i can't wait ;) and though it really saddens me that my best friend joel can't make it due to a presentation the next day, his promise that he'll make it up to me is just gonna have to suffice for now :( all of us haven't been together in so long that i'm just looking forward to all of us being together. cause at the end of the day... that would be the greatest present of all... being with the people i care about on my 19th birthday...

though any additional presents are VERY much welcomed ;)

okay... it's precisely 4 minutes till my next lecutre... which is across the hall... so i'll make this quick.
just wanted to share my random moment of the week.

but i'd have to start from the very beginning. and this beginning occured sometime between 1992 and 1993. as most of you probably know, i started pre-school at the insanely young age of 2. when i was 3 or 4 (cause all the NORMAL kids were starting school now)... i'd made my first batch of close friends. the closest one was an adorable chinese boy by the name of jien.

according to mom, i couldn't stop raving about him (though i don't quite remember ;p) and practically assigned myself to everything jien was doing. when i abolished seri manja's uniform dresscode, jien followed. toddlers in crime ;)

anyway... long story short, jien and i went separate ways after that... he attending primary and secondary schools in his neighbourhood of bangsar, whilst i was off in kt and sri aman. in form 3, my classmate adlyss - a girl from bangsar herself - tells us of her boyfriend. a boy named jien ;)

ladies and gentlemen... bring us to 2007... some 13 since i last spoke or saw my pre-school buddy. out of boredom last week i browsed to adlyss's friend-list on friendster and decided to add jien to my list... acting on the assumption that he probably didn't posses an horrid memories of me as a girly/prissy 3 yr old. miraculously... HE DID!

last night we chatted on msn for the first time since we were both 6 years old. it's so cool how we've both changed so much and yet remained exactly the same. worse yet... jien said i used to tell his mom that we were going to get married when we were older! now i'll give all my friends who know me a second or two to digest that piece of information...

glad you met this version of me?

first off i'd like to give a HUGE thank you to my cousin over in egypt, who's so graciously given me a 'thinking blog award'. never did i think my writings were anything more, to anyone, than just random ramblings of my bipolar self ;p but thank you nonetheless for showing me that this blog possesses more meaning and purpose than just that of a venting station ;p (and the fact that i worry you're 35-yr-old brain scares me! ;p)

anyway... back to my cosmic intervention of a day...

put simply, my day hasn't ended! i seemed to have overestimated my ability to write my final 'family studies' essay and ended up pulling an all nighter... LITERALLY! you know how people always SAY they pulled an all nighter, but in truth managed to sneak an hour or two of sleeps in it. well ladies and gentlemen, i'm running on pure sugar right now. i sat at the comp when the sun was still up. then the sun went down. and before i knew it the sun was back up again ;p so i dragged myself off the dining room chair that had by 6 this morning become an attachment to my posterior region, and threw myself into the shower for school.

let me say now, that in all my years of dabbling in the complex and twisted world of bullshit writing... the essay i conjured up last night was probably one of the worst. to describe the many levels to which i'm disappointed with that essay would take another assignment... but time had done it's magic and i just couldn't string words together to form sophisticated enough sentences for tertiary comprehension. basically it sounded like a kid from kindergarten stole my assignment and started drooling on it! sigh... but hopefully the mojos will be on my side with this one (and the one i submitted yesterday!) and bless me with a presentable enough grade to walk through the golden gates at melbourne uni (though i can just hear jacq and mark asking me to take that sentence back ;p)

ANYWAY....

yeah... as i was saying, the mojos were on massive overdrive today. after 2 weeks of abstaining from my horrendous nail-biting habit, last night's anxiety put me back at square one all over again :( in fact, more like square minus 2... i went on a rampage yesterday! so bad that typing this post right now is causing my mildly bleeding fingers some pain :( the whole time i was like... what are you doing?! stop it! so there's hope for me yet i think :D... THAT was sign number one!

after rushing out of the house, i attempted to make my daily jay-walking routine to the tram stop on the other side of the road. as usual, i looked left to see how far away my tram was. but today, what did i see? fire engines... 3 of them. and a police car. sirens going off everywhere. one of the power cables hanging overhead for the trams to hook on to had dislodged... RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY APARTMENT. desperately i continued to stare down my oncoming tram, hoping that it would disregard the disruption (which was in the opposite lane!) and come pick me up. instead i saw people filing out of the tram at toorak road and the tram started back the way it came. all trams running along chapel AND church streets were suspended for now.

now usually that wouldn't bother me.... except for one tiny detail... HOW THE HELL WAS I GOING TO GET TO SCHOOL?! DID I ALSO MENTION I HAD AN ASSIGNMENT THAT WAS DUE FOR SUBMISSION IN 5 HOURS?! i entertained the fleeting thought of climbing back into bed and sleeping till next week for about 3 seconds and realised that i HAD to get to burwood one way or another. so i hiked to the atm, cashed out the money i needed to buy my new monthly... hopped on the tram to south yarra train station... took the city loop train to richmond station... switched to the alamein train... got off at east richmond station... only to realise that i'd made a HUGE mistake cause the station is *drumroll* positioned on church st...i ignored all the people staring down church street for the missing tram, and i walked from the corner of church and swan street to bridge road.... got on the vermont south tram and arrived on campus 15 minutes after my first lecture ended.

mojos in cosmic sync or what?!

hehehe... well one cup of yougurt and a chocolate and blueberry muffin later, i'm sitting in deakin's internet cafe killing the 3 hours i have till my next class. despite my disappoint at the essays i've submitted, i'm ecstatic that freedom has come knocking again till the exams in june. and with mom and hafiz coming in about a month, things are looking up ;) it's like mom says... when you fall right to the bottom... the only place you have left to go is up anyway ;p

till my next post... have fun like it's your last day on earth... and eat enough chocolate to make you WISH it was :D

hug hug everybody!

it's been my source of comfort and security for almost 10 years... but i'm putting an end to it right now!

i've decided to stop biting my nails ;)

for those of you of don't know me very well... you may be wondering why such a feat deserves blogging recognition, but for my dear family and friends back in kl and here in melbourne... this set of news comes as a MUCH welcomed relief!

i've tried to stop multiple times, but each effort was hampered by an overload of stress or just the absence of someone to remind me of my latest conquest. last year i promised myself that melbourne uni would be my deciding factor. if i got in... i'd stop cold turkey ;) mark helped, always pulling my hand away whenever he caught me attemping to bite away whatever is left of my pitiful cuticles. but plans were diverted and i ended up NOT going to melbourne uni and NOT having mark around everyday to remind me. so i said... what the hell? i get another year to enjoy this nasty habit before putting a stop to it.

however, it's gone 4 months into the new year and i think a re-vamp of the old promise is in order. you see... back when i was 15... i painted all my nails with black nail polish over the december holidays. and miraculously, after having tired EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD to try and stop, i actually did! my nails grew back and i was almost certain that i'd stopped the habit for good. unfortunately, since it was against the rules to have your nails painted back in sri aman, the nail polish came off by january... and so was my new reform. with a vengeance, i was back to nail-biting and haven't come up for air since.

i'll be 19 in about three weeks... but over the past year, i've experienced more than i ever did over over that span of time. i got sick and hospitalised for the first time in recollective memory... okay second time, but the first time doesn't count cause i was only in there for a day ;p anyway... that entire event, being hooked up to machines and having tubes run in and out of everywhere, it got me thinking about just how fragile human beings really are. i mean... i was never the sick one. i had the occasionaly flu and fever, but even with the most serious of diseases, i was let off alot sooner than most. and not to say that that isn't a cause for gratitude, but you sometimes take it for granted. you put yourself in harm's way - deliberately - because you think that your track record allows for such cockyness. but the truth is... EVERYONE gets hit with fate and bad luck, and especially mortality atleast once in their lifetime.

being in the hospital humanised me. i was in there for something that my family considered me too young to have. but hey... i was there anyway. and i am not eager to invite fate and trouble into my company in the near future!

so as i look down at my horribly affected fingers, and contemplate of how much bigger an invitation i could possibly be throwing the-powers-that-be to mess me up again, i say enough! i've painted my nails black again, and with uni not giving me a hard time about anything other than grades, i forsee a great outcome ;)

it's been 5 days since i last tried... and my friends over here are jumping for joy. i even got a clap from mark yesterday :D but yeah... i've decided to stop biting my nails!

i chose normal ;D

to the oldest member of safcamlaina... elaine lam sue ching...

katyana azman
1 may 1988

i'm different... and it doesn't bother me one bit...

writing till the hours blur.
REALLY nice cars.
consuming as much dark chocolate as humanly possible.
listening and singing to songs till i know every word by heart.

being with the family and friends that make me happy.

jacqueline sim
joel lee
jacqui kong
camelia soo
samantha sim
syafiq azman

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