see that remotely white coloured building in the middle? that's channel ten's headquarters. you can't even see their illuminated emblem on the roof!

the fog was so bad it didn't dissipate till atleast 10am. an 11-year-old melbourne girl was hit by a bus crossing the road to school that day because the bus driver couldn't see her through the smog! she was pinned under the bus for 30mins and sustained severe injuries to both her legs... poor little girl :(

but horrendous weather aside, things have been pretty rough around here too. despite the rollercoaster that has been my semester finals thus far, it seems to be the least of my problems. in fact, i forsee myself successfully surviving them better than i will the predicament at hand. because right now... the one thing in life that i absolutely want is at jeopardy. for it is not the question of whether i'll get it - i WILL get it - it's the matter of timing, and the possibility of being personally miserable when i get there.

for my friends and family who truly know me and have seen me struggle with this decision, know that i've finally made up my mind. to say that i am okay, completely unaffected and not in the least bit hurt... would be the largest lie i have ever told. it feels over the last few weeks like i've been stabbed over and over, thus prompting me to make up my mind in the hope that it'll just stop. it doesn't make any sense. it never has from the very beginning. it shouldn't be this hard, and i'm pretty sure if i were someone else, it wouldn't be. but i can't change the circumstance to which i've been privied. i am who i am. no one, not even myself, can change that fact...

so i want to go home. back to where life truly feels safe. where mom's hugs can gradually take away all the pain. where the food can gradually drown out all the voices. where my friends can gradually take my mind off it. and where my cats can gradually wipe away all the tears i'll be shedding soon.

i am currently pain and confusion in a nutshell ;) but i've got finals to think about and cookie dough to help medicate me... so in the words of michael buble... "i've had my run... baby i'm done... i wanna go home..."