i dread februaries.
february has undoubtedly become the month with which all the joy and happiness stocked up over the summer, begins its painful and agonising retreat into oblivion. in school, it marked the ending of our first month back - whereby the honeymoon period of 'getting to know the new year' came to a halt and homework was begrudgingly re-introduced. when i left for college, it meant leaving home for the first time and having to adjust to a life of isolated independence. when university started, it became all about proving my worth and fighting for the dream that now seemed so close at hand. 2nd and 3rd year were no different - trying to push aside the previous year's disappointments, packing that suitcase and trying my hand, once again, at climbing the highest peak possible.
so why did i think the february of my graduate diploma-year would be any less frustrating?
i'm due to be back in melbourne in less than two weeks. 13 days to be exact. i drove over to the education agency today and paid my first semester's fees - which means that in a couple of days my eCoe will be issued and turning back would be a moot point. but unlike the years that came before this, i haven't been back for as long as i have this summer. i wasn't given the opportunity to get re-attached to the place i called my fulltime home for 18 years. since 2006, leaving melbourne at the end of each semester was a goal rather than an award for my efforts... the frosted icing to the impossible and insanely lonely cake. but the more trips i made, the less flying to melbourne felt like a punishment. my friends were there... my uni was there... my apartment was there... max was there ^^ so what would happen if had most of that taken away?
the landlord whom i had hailed as the best in the world decided to make my life a little more interesting this semester. after 3 years of occupying 808/700, he's decided that i'll only be allowed to extend my lease on one condition: that i move back into the house without max. my previous realtor has disappeared and a new property management agency has taken over - perfectly fine except that a new agent requires new papers. and as i started sigining my initials on each page, mom noticed the clause about not keeping pets on the premises. when i asked them to reconfirm max's position with the landlord, i get told that he is now unwilling to grant me permission to keep her. we are thus left with two options:
A) sign the lease and find max alternative accomodations
B) burn the lease (and i mean literally) and find another apartment within the next 13 days that'll except me, my furniture and my schizophrenic feline.
i dread februaries.
to add to my growing lists of problems is the latest addition to our family - baby millie. and no, i did not have a child during my 2-year blogging absence. millie is a 4.5 mth old persian kitten that my mom and i got hafiz for his 13th birthday. for 2 months she was the epitome of perfection. she provided our household with the laughter and amusement we once enjoyed when spike, maya and jinx were young. but a few weeks ago, that all changed. i've spent almost every week camped out at the vet's office in subang, attempting to suss out every new ailment that comes millie's way. staying true to the trooper that she is, she's endured so much and come out as playful as always. today i was told that her latest battle may very well be her last.
the doctors suspect that millie has a condition called FIP. for the life of me, i can't remember what it stands for, what causes it or what exactly they know about it. but what i DO remember is that vets call it a 'death sentance'. insanely rare in cats as young as millie... heck, insanely rare alltogether. but what it boils down to is, if millie has FIP... she won't survive no matter how much of a trooper she's been.
i sat in the examination room and watched her scurry around through all the crevices she could find, completely oblivious to the judgment that has now fallen upon her. it made me doubt whether i'd ever be able to let go of my patients in future... when potentially letting go of a cat i've had since december seemed almost impossible. it was the question that pushed me to want to help children in the first place: "how could something so difficult, happen to someone so little, when they are too young to even understand why?" and yet today, it was the question that made me resent the injustice of it all.
but as i said, it's just a suspicion for the moment. they assume... they guess... but they aren't certain. though the diagnosis seems to lean towards FIP, millie's behaviour and eating habits wholly defy the disease's symptoms. the vets are boggled and are hoping that millie will prove them wrong. i'm praying that she does too.
have i mentioned i dread februaries?
it seems that my entire month will be embroiled in feline predicaments... both at home and internationally. but februaries always suck because it ultimately marks the end of a chapter.
tomorrow i start my 13th day and final week as an intern at prince court. in two weeks i'll be heading back to melbourne to start a new year at deakin... something i'm not too thrilled about. going back to the happiest school on earth, yes... having to leave my family to do it, not so much. this summer has made me realise how much i miss being home. being the one to pick hafiz up from school and driving him insane with embarassment as i cheer hysterically from the bleachers at sports' day. to hang out with mom at work and see her face light up whenever she describes a new project to me. to spend more weekends cruising around with the top down on the z4 after a girls' night out, just the two of us. but most of all, i miss being home when the days are good and horrendously bad - just so i could give them both a hug at the end of it.
i dread februaries because for the last 4 years... it has taken everything that makes me feel safe, happy... everything that i care about... and throws it 6000kms away.
